Female, Femenine, Woman, Womanly.

 So many words and we are just getting started. Well, I was looking online, because where else? About how to connect more with the femenine energy, how to get in touch with this side that many of us have forgotten, pursuing the "I can do it all on my own!" energy.

I understand where this comes from, as many of us surely do, my mom was a single mom, be strong, don't rely on others, that is what we hear, and while it is awesome to do your own things and don't sit around and wait, there's more to it.

I myself have learnt how harmful and exhausting it can be to, well exist, and even more so if you have something really big and you try and tackle it on your own. Sure, some things only you can deal with, and in the end, everything comes down to you internalizing these processses.

But let's see, one day I was walking with an ex, another woman mind you, we went to buy water (here you gotta buy water, usually in 20 lts. containers) and I was carrying it, cos you know, I'm the sporty fit girl right? Right, so a guy passes by, he offers to help, I immediately felt offended and like "HOW DARE HE, I CAN DO IT MYSELF!"

Now, some 7 years later, I think, damn, I will accept any help people wanna offer, it won't kill me dammit. The pride of lifting is only for the weight room, and even so, like now I had a very annoying and painful contracture on my neck, due to me not setting boundaries, anyway that's solved, so, no weights for me in about 4 more days or so. 

The old me would be freaking out, now I'm like, ok I'll start with the bar alone and then add up. I just work out cos it's fun and I wanna look hot, not to be a powerlifter anyway.

Point being, if a guy, a woman, or some other person wants to help me, to get the thing on top of the shelf, I'll accept it, even if climbing on shelves is fun enough. If someone wants to open the door for me, I actually like that, I love it and I also do it for like older people or even men, everyone can open doors.

So, I was looking for information online, on how to connect with this feminine side. Most of what I found was to wear make-up, dress "girly", not to use curse words and mostly be a freaking Stepford Wife of the 50's.

I am not saying doing those things of your own volition is inherently wrong, but come on, I am not the "girliest" when dressing, but I believe I am quite girly in other aspects. I love skirts, I love cats, well you know what, scratch that, men can also like those, let them.

So the tips that I did like was to try and write more (this is writing), paint mandalas or something, know when to pause, set boundaries, have your time , receive with joy. 

I am going to focus more on those and try fun things with some make-up, I like eye shadows and mascara mostly. Either way, in this journey I am sure I will find many amazing things.

My friend/local witch whom I trust will have a workshop on this hopefully next month, will keep ya posted.

Like this month, I am having a totally painless period, cos it's not supposed to hurt! Who would have thought!!

I am looking forward on what life has to bring.

Ah yes, my other epiphany was that I wanted a girl who is still femenine presenting, like, not one with very short hair and very androgynous (not like that's "bad", just not my preference) but with more of a masculine energy, more of a giver if you want.

But not one that takes it to the extreme and acts like a typical male douchebag *cough* have had those *cough*